Anger, pain, hurt, frustration, hatred-she had nurtured and harbored those feelings for over ten years now. She had imagined how it would be if she were ever to meet him, what she would say to him, what she would do to him, how she would hurt him. And yet when it came down to seeing him, being in his presence again, just hearing him breathe, the pent up vengeance had been washed away in emotion. Emotions that she did know existed, feelings that she had forgotten about. In her misery and despair, she had forgotten how happy they had been. How joyful, carefree and gay they had been, how much in love they had been.
"A cup of tea, Mila?" her reverie was suddenly broken by his sweet voice. When she did not reply, he caressed her hair gently, pulling it out of her face. To his surprise, she shrunk away from his touch and said quietly,"I need to leave now."
"Are you sure? It would be quite wonderful if you could stay for a cup of tea. I know you like your morning tea and we have quite a lot of conversation to catch up on while sipping it", he said, still in that godforsaken honeyed voice.
But she had to stay strong, she had to protect herself. He had left her. He had deliberately let her believe that he was dead. He had not even cared enough to bid her a proper goodbye. Instead, she had to weep over a charred corpse, she had to organise a fake funeral, she had to pretend to be devastated when all she wanted was revenge. And this man now wanted her to stay for a cup of tea! The audacity, the defiant smile, the pretense of caring for her!
He could understand that she was in shock. And that it was his fault. He knew that he had to make her stay. He knew he had to make her understand. He knew he could not let her down, like he had done so many years ago. "Stay, Mila. Please. We need to discuss this."
Discuss? She thought. The man had the gall to call what he did to her a mere discussion? The rage came back. "Discuss? You think I want to stand here and discuss what you did ? Not only did you leave me, you let me believe you were dead? Have you any idea.."
"Yes I do. I knew that you knew," replied he, with much pain in his voice.
"You what!", she gasped, not believing her own ears. This could not be true. He knew! He knew she was watching, that she was seeing him leave her, betray her, abandon her. He knew. She could not stop herself or her pent up feelings and with all her strength, she slapped him straight in his face.
"I deserved that, I guess " said he, head bowed with shame, tears in his eyes.
"How could you have done this to me, Tom! Did I mean this little to you?"
"On the contrary, my love, you meant too much. You would have never let me go and I was exposing you to more and more danger. And I could not have lived with myself if something had happened to you. I had to go, Mila. And I had to make you believe that I left you."
She just stared at him, unable to believe what she had just heard. No matter what he said or did now, no matter how logical or illogical his explanations sounded, he had left her to mourn his betrayal. He had deliberately let her see, he had deliberately made her hate him, he had deliberately hurt her.
And there was no forgiveness for what he had done.
"I do not care what you say now, Tom. You hurt me. You wounded me. You left me much worse than dead. And I will not have you ruin my life again. So keep your explanation, keep your excuses and keep your concern to yourself." she said rising from the couch, her voice shaking with anger and rage.
He knew then that he could not stop her from going away, he knew then what he had done, he knew then what he had changed. Her, him, them. And nothing would ever be the same again. He had lost the only woman he ever loved. He could only watch as she got up and left, slamming the door leaving nothing but despair in her wake.
"A cup of tea, Mila?" her reverie was suddenly broken by his sweet voice. When she did not reply, he caressed her hair gently, pulling it out of her face. To his surprise, she shrunk away from his touch and said quietly,"I need to leave now."
"Are you sure? It would be quite wonderful if you could stay for a cup of tea. I know you like your morning tea and we have quite a lot of conversation to catch up on while sipping it", he said, still in that godforsaken honeyed voice.
But she had to stay strong, she had to protect herself. He had left her. He had deliberately let her believe that he was dead. He had not even cared enough to bid her a proper goodbye. Instead, she had to weep over a charred corpse, she had to organise a fake funeral, she had to pretend to be devastated when all she wanted was revenge. And this man now wanted her to stay for a cup of tea! The audacity, the defiant smile, the pretense of caring for her!
He could understand that she was in shock. And that it was his fault. He knew that he had to make her stay. He knew he had to make her understand. He knew he could not let her down, like he had done so many years ago. "Stay, Mila. Please. We need to discuss this."
Discuss? She thought. The man had the gall to call what he did to her a mere discussion? The rage came back. "Discuss? You think I want to stand here and discuss what you did ? Not only did you leave me, you let me believe you were dead? Have you any idea.."
"Yes I do. I knew that you knew," replied he, with much pain in his voice.
"You what!", she gasped, not believing her own ears. This could not be true. He knew! He knew she was watching, that she was seeing him leave her, betray her, abandon her. He knew. She could not stop herself or her pent up feelings and with all her strength, she slapped him straight in his face.
"I deserved that, I guess " said he, head bowed with shame, tears in his eyes.
"How could you have done this to me, Tom! Did I mean this little to you?"
"On the contrary, my love, you meant too much. You would have never let me go and I was exposing you to more and more danger. And I could not have lived with myself if something had happened to you. I had to go, Mila. And I had to make you believe that I left you."
She just stared at him, unable to believe what she had just heard. No matter what he said or did now, no matter how logical or illogical his explanations sounded, he had left her to mourn his betrayal. He had deliberately let her see, he had deliberately made her hate him, he had deliberately hurt her.
And there was no forgiveness for what he had done.
"I do not care what you say now, Tom. You hurt me. You wounded me. You left me much worse than dead. And I will not have you ruin my life again. So keep your explanation, keep your excuses and keep your concern to yourself." she said rising from the couch, her voice shaking with anger and rage.
He knew then that he could not stop her from going away, he knew then what he had done, he knew then what he had changed. Her, him, them. And nothing would ever be the same again. He had lost the only woman he ever loved. He could only watch as she got up and left, slamming the door leaving nothing but despair in her wake.
